GÖÇEBE

Perhaps, one of the best things about living in this part of the world is having many neighboring countries to visit. When I opened my blog to show to a group of my classmates as part of our technology classroom I had realized that the last entry was from 2009. However, I did travel in 2010 and loved the places I have visited.

Last winter break I was in Damascus visiting a friend. The trip itself was the first solo trip I have ever went on. My friend was busy with school during the day so I had to roam around by myself trying to remember the few sentences I had learned in my Arabic classes.

The city was amazing that I am hoping to go back sometime soon. As my parents live in Southern Turkey, it is easy for me to get on a bus and go.

Visiting Tbilisi was great as I had missed Irina. After the trip I decided to visit places where I actually know people who live there. It makes traveling different and better in many ways.

I’m writing this blog entry somewhere between Cyprus and Mersin, Turkey. So far it is my favorite place in the world, the Mediterranean. This trip has made me realize that I want to die somewhere on the coast of Mediterranean.

Cyprus was my grandmother’s island. She was born there but had to immigrate with her family to Tarsus. Even though she spent most of her lifetime in Turkey and she hardly even remembered Cyprus, she still talked as if she owned the island, and she would return one day. It never happened so far.

Before I went to Cyprus, people were asking me which city I will be staying in. I didn’t know the answer; our friend from NoHo, Hasan was going to host us. I knew of three main cities, Lefkosa (Nicosia), Girne and Gazimagusa and for some reason, I thought we would only spend time in one of these three cities. Thankfully that wasn’t the case; Hasan’s family lives in Balikesir, very close to Nicosia. Since he was driving us around we got to see three major cities, as well as some beaches.

Before going to Cyprus, I got really bad feedback from people who had already been here. Well, they were mostly Turkish people. I assume, when they hear about the Mediterranean, they think of first world standard, highly developed beach towns, such as Bodrum. Cyprus is anything but those beach towns. I am sure there are people who come to Cyprus and stay at 5-star hotels and have that kind of experience. Cyprus definitely offers more than that.

Nicosia is today’s only divided capital in the world. There are still some remains of the 1974 war and the sadness of the division is all over the city. The wall (actually more like wires) was the first thing we saw in Nicosia. After a small walk, Gazal and Hasan crossed the border to the Greek side while Emir and I were enjoying our beers on the Turkish side. The fact that a piece of paper is the key to “freedom” is ridiculous and it hit me once more in Nicosia. My hatred for nation states and governments arose once again.

Cyprus lies down as the centre of eastern Mediterranean on the world map. It isn’t surprising that so many warriors tried to conquer her. For the matter of fact they have built many castles in order to protect her. Without a doubt these castles are the most people places on the island. They are the perfect spot to watch the sea, except the fact that like any other place in Cyprus there would be some military zone ruining the view.

This is the first time I am using a seaport to enter a country and I am hoping it won’t be the last. Visiting Cyprus was a great experience. Cypriots with the coolest Turkish accents, isolated but beautiful villages, local Turkish dishes, playing Fussball while being drunk, horny and annoying soldiers, the UN, “cemile” flowers, cypresses, and of course the Mediterranean will be in memories.

PS: It takes me sometime to post my blog entries

I have said this sentence over the last two weeks zillion times. Sometimes I really meant it. Sometimes it was as meaningless as Americans asking me how I am. Over the last four years, I have complained a lot about living in the States, for now I will leave that to the side.

Why did I come to this country, in the first place? Curiosity! In high school they ask 10th graders if anyone is interested studying abroad. I said “yes”. I had lived in Turkey all my life, so why not move somewhere else. Going back and forth between school and home, I was already living like a nomad and after leaving high school, I continued the same life style. (For those who don’t know, nomad means gocebe in Turkish, title of my blog)

I applied, got accepted, came to Smith with only knowing about the generosity of financial aid and the fact that it is a women’s college. When people ask me why I came to Smith, I say “They gave me money”. It might sound absurd for Americans but it is true. That’s all I knew about Smith.

Four years passed and I’m sitting in this country (still legally) and thinking what it feels to be a Smith alum. At Smith, I have learned the worst fact about myself: I’m a student with low-income background. The funny part of this fact is that my high school was only for students from low-income families but I only came to realize this fact at Smith. The sad part of it is that not only statistics classify me in this category but some people also judged me according to this fact. Perhaps, that was the worst part of my college education. For Smith administration, I have never been more than a statistic or a future fund provider. Luckily, there have been some great people who were part of my life to make me feel different about myself.

Smith has made me define class, and then realize that the most important thing that it provided me was class mobility. When I start working, I will be earning more than anyone else in my family, and that’s what matters in this culture. “How much do you make?” They also gave me a piece of paper, which shows that I am an educated person. It is sad that proof of education relies on a piece of paper. (I know it is the same almost everywhere)

What comes after Smith? I will be teaching math and statistics at a private K-12 school in Istanbul. You may be wondering, why a socialist person would choose to teach at a school that is for the rich. There are several reasons for that. First of all because of Turkish bureaucracy, it will take at least a year to prove to my beloved government that what I had studied at Smith would qualify me as a math teacher in Turkey. Second of all I do not discriminate children, they are so innocent and pure and I don’t care about their background. Third of all, if there is anyone to teach them about the inequality of the world, that should be me.

If I have financial aid problems for further education, I might return to the States. For now I have no plans of coming back. In order to return, I also have to get into the hassle of getting a visa. Maybe that’s why I never felt at home when I was here. Home is a place you can always go back to. I don’t need a stranger’s approval to visit home. I have lived here for four years and I need an approval, whereas any random Western European can come and go whenever they feel like it.

I will miss this place. I won’t miss living here but I will miss some random things and very special people. When I compare education back home and education at Smith, one of the things I feel lucky about is having some amazing professors: Dana Leibsohn, Jill Lester (Mount Holyoke), Katherine Halvorsen, Jim Henle, Giovanna Bellesia, and James Callahan. I hope to impress my own students as much as they have impressed me.

Professors are easy to list because there are few of them in the first place and there are few who come out of their offices or who leave their office doors wide open for us to come in. I will miss them sincerely.

Amazing friends I made at Smith can’t be listed on this blog. It is impossible to list them. By now, they know who they are. When I was saying one last goodbye, I didn’t realize the sadness of the situation at that time. Now, I know how painful it is not to see them on a daily basis. I will miss each and every one of them from the bottom of my heart. I also know that I will make efforts to see them wherever their lives may take them to.

I will miss you!

If you live in a country where you have health insurance but you still have to pay for medical treatment, then google is the best resource. I have toothache! Google it!

When I had received my financial aid package from Smith, I was extremely happy about the fact that Smith was covering my health insurance. This happiness lasted until I got a bill from hospital my first year. I ran to International Students' Dean's office, without knowing why I had a bill. I told him that I went to the hospital with my insurance card but they still had billed me! No, it wasn't a mistake. That's how medical system works in the States.

I can't even imagine not having insurance in this country. I probably would have to pay fortune for any medical service. After my first year stupidity of going to hospital, I avoided any medical help, I used google instead. I wish google could also take X-rays! Unfortunately that didn't happen.

Summer of 2008, I had to go to emergency once again. They got my x-rays done and told me to go to some other doctor. I knew going to another doctor meant paying more bills. Nevertheless I got an appointment from the mentioned doctor but I had to wait 35 days for my appointment day. YES!!! My back pain was even gone by that time, but I still went because I was sure the back pain would hit me at a later time. The receptionist at the doctor's office tried to make me sign some forms saying that I would pay the cost of this visit, in case I don't have health insurance. I had a fight, of course, and refused to sign it. I told them that they have to take care off me no matter if I have insurance or not, plus I did have insurance!!!

After spending 5 minutes at the doctor's, still not knowing what was wrong with my back, I left. I still do not know what's wrong with my back but I have 3 bills that arrive regularly in my mailbox, one from the hospital, one from the hospital's radiology department (how stupid!!!), one from the doctor's office.

I told my dean that I'm leaving the country without paying my bills. He told me that as long as I don't owe anything to the government, I am all set.

They can keep forwarding the bills to Turkey and keep dreaming that I'll pay those stupid bills. I would rather donate that money to Google because even though Google doesn't take x-rays, it sure knows a lot more than the hospital staff and the physician.

On one of the many late nights at Smith, as I sit sadly in a friend's room, after a usual day of upsetting events, I think about the four years of my college life. Many people wonder why I dislike this place so much, a place where one is supposed to gain a lot. I say to my self I have lost more than I have gained.